It's Saturday and I don't have any readings scheduled so I have a weekend off! Started my morning off by waking up a four in the morning, again. Been doing that for over a month now, it's super fun. I take meds to help me sleep and I have meds to help me if I wake up like that and they aren't working. It's super fun. I do get a lot more coffee into my system by noon though due to my earlier start, so yay for that.
We have a Dale and Brennan situation in the back yard at the moment. It's full on rooster Step Brothers back there! Our two roosters, Barnabus and Jr, got along fine until all the hens became fertile and laying eggs. Now it's a constant shouting match. Suuuuper annoying. Barnabus has the crow of a thousand banshees and Jr sounds like a 14 year old boy trying to sing in choir mid puberty surge. The only thing that shuts them up is a special chicken snack. Good to know they are basically just dudes; food trumps all. So, Jr was supposed to be a hen but they sent a rooster. That's fine, he's gorgeous and we love him. He has grown HUGE as well but still is a bit less dominant than Barnabus. However, when they get into a scuffle, it's really just a chasing game where Barnabus chases Jr until Jr stops and flexes and then Barnabus comes and runs to me for protection. No one ever gets hurt, just a lot of noise.
The noise does have its benefits though. We live across the street from the court house. Inside the court house is an office that has windows right where we can see them on the street side. Inside that office is the local sheriff, my nemesis. I've heard through town gossip channels that he is super annoyed by the roosters crowing and complains often about the noise during the day. I have made sure that I've told said gossip channel members that if he tries to fine me for disturbing the peace or whatever, I'll file the same complaint for all houses that have children and dogs that live within a two block radius of us. Because kids are loud af, they can't help it, they just are. So I know those gossip people got that back to him, because they just can't help themselves. So, we are at an impasse.
So I'm torn between finding them a new home that is a 'friends not food' home or figuring out how to sterilize my roosters humanely. I am going to ask my veterinarian about it next time we go into the office. I'm sure they will be amused and think I'm joking. I am not.
I am confronted lately by a question from a friend: What would you do with your life if you had no responsibilities or obligations to others and no money restrictions to worry about? Yikes. This one is a loaded question that fucked me up a bit. First, it made me realize that I make probably 90% of my decisions based on the wants/needs/expectations of others. Everything from what to eat daily to where I live. Just that far in I got sort of stuck. So of course I got zooted and was hoping that would clear out my brain and help me move through it all. It did, but also being able to move through these thoughts so easily is a clarity that feels a bit dangerous given that this is a hypothetical question. For me, getting a taste of something like that is basically knowing I will be chasing that to get more of it til I can have it all. I don't know if that has anything to do with my ADHD or bipolar disorders, but it's a safe bet I'll like it and feel left wanting.
So what I learned about this exercise is that I need to consider myself first from now on. I have this life to live to its fullest and I haven't been. I don't mean live a selfish life, but to actually give myself a place at the table when I'm making decisions. I learned that given the chance I'd leave this country in a heartbeat. I'd give up my house, my chickens, most of my horses, and everything else to not have to live here in the US. I learned that my needs/wants have changed drastically in the last few years. I am not near as attached to 'things' as I once was. I learned that my vocation probably would be full time writing and learning. I'd never have changed from my maiden name. The list is extensive and I won't bore you with it. But you get the idea. I'm filling up a notebook with my personal journaling experience of it. Recommend 10/10 but know things won't look the same after you do it if you truly pour yourself into the exercise honestly.
I have a chicken that lays eggs with double yolks consistency.
I think it would be super fun to walk the streets of this small town at night in a long black gown and not respond to anyone saying hi or trying to talk to me. Maybe even get those blackout contacts. Maybe carry a single lit candle. I'm just throwing out ideas here people, we need to up our game for Halloween this year. I had some creepy af stuff out there last year, but I want these little shits to walk up my steps to get their candy and wonder if I'm cooking eyeballs in a big cauldron in my house. I think that would be fabulous! Halloween is supposed to be freaking scary, not cute. I will not elaborate on that.
"I'm a fucking dragon", I said, as I pushed the smoke out my nose and smirked into the mirror. Yup, that happened this morning.
Have a beautiful New Moon and weekend!!